RAISING A STRONG DAUGHTER - WEEK 2 - CHAPTER 1

RAISING A STRONG DAUGHTER IN A TOXIC CULTURE: 11 STEPS TO KEEP HER HAPPY, HEALTHY, AND SAFE by Meg Meeker, M.D.

Daughter - just saying the word opens a floodgate of emotions that rolls over me. As I write this, I sit and look out the window next to me and I can see the shadows of days gone past. Three of my girls (all grown now) riding their scooters together around the cement pad, chasing each around and around. Their long hair flying behind them, and their voices calling out to each other. Now, they're out in the world making their way. Jobs, life, furthering education, residing in new states. The crazy thing? When I am with them, I still see flashes of those little girls. Their loves, passions, commitments are still there. They've just blossomed and grown right along with them. It's beautiful! While I mourn the shadows that were and would go back in a heartbeat and relive every moment, I CELEBRATE what is!

With that in mind, I launched into this first chapter.

How can you not love the opening story of Stefani with the heart transplant whose doctor danced with her ar her prom? Even though the whole point was the difference between the physical and emotional heart, the two in this story were intertwined. We see the bond that formed between doctor and patient. The bond of trust and security. The spoken promise of being there to dance with her at the prom. Think of the reassurance that planted into Stefani's heart when the days got tough. I can almost hear her whisper, "He said he was going to dance with me. I'm going to make it." Powerful! Our words matter!!

Having four girls, I can attest to the four longings that come from their hearts.

To Love - Typically, girls' hearts brim over with love to give that they want to express in action. I have countless notes, poems, drawings, stories, crafts, etc that I have been blessed with over the years. My oldest daughter, Claire, wrote me a note on a yellow piece of paper when she was in first or second grade that still hangs in the kitchen. It reads:

1. Mommy you are the best mommy in the world.

2. Mommy you are the best teacher in the world.

3. Mommy you are the best cook.

4. Mommy you are the best cleaneruper ever.

5. Mommy you are the best shower taker ever.

I laughed when she gave it to me. Why the last two statements on her paper? I was a timer setter. Often for cleanup, I would set the timer and we would race around for 10 minutes picking up. It was a fun challenge! Showers? We would walk in the woods and play in the creeks Once back home, we would go take our showers and race to see who could actually wash off and get done the quickest. These fun little "games" helped to eliminate the complaining that would easily come from either of these activities. Our daughters have hearts that are overflowing with love for us if we don't kill it!

Forming strong attachments - It is natural for us as girls and women to want to form strong attachments. We definitely desire it within our families, but I'm going to shoot off a bit in a different direction here that is covered in the "To Be Loved" section . We desire best friends that we can do life with. All three of my older girls and myself have definitely gone through "best friend" dry spells for a myriad of reasons. Some of them were really ouchy! When your family is a strong unit and when you are blessed with sisters I'm going to throw out that those can be the best attachments of all.

Nurture - This one brings to mind my third daughter, Annie. Annie has always been and will always be an animal lover. Her desire is to ranch, and she is on her way in life. This summer she's working at a guest ranch. The pictures she sends are typically animal oriented: horses, kittens, etc. The most recent? A baby highland cow that she is helping take care of. She is in Heaven!

To Be Loved - We all desire that as girls and women, don't we? We want to be valued, seen, and cherished. If we aren't in situations where that is happening, we seek it out, and the result many times is pieces of ourselves given away cheaply. Used. I wish I could share the heartaching stories that I have heard this summer personally and that my girls have shared that they have heard. Families are falling apart, and the result is hurt and empty-shelled people all around us. Everytime I am out and speak to someone, I hear another heart wrenching story. Who ordained the family? Who set it up this way to provide the love and needs we all have? God did. It's no surprise, then, that it's under attack.

Just one chapter in and already we're plunging in deep! Next week, Chapter 2. I love it! Now, let's hear from you! Comment about your take aways from Chapter 1. I'd love to hear your thoughts!