RAISING A STRONG DAUGHTER - WEEK 11 - CHAPTER 10

RAISING A STRONG DAUGHTER IN A TOXIC CULTURE: 11 STEPS TO KEEP HER HAPPY, HEALTHY, AND SAFE by Meg Meeker, M.D.

Oh man, this one hits seriously close to home. With 4 girls, we have experienced a lot in the world of friendships. We have had seasons of wins, and we have had seasons of pain. One thing that I am extremely grateful for is that my girls have developed a deep bond amongst the four of them that will last them all of their lives.

I am a huge proponent of positive peer pressure. Proverbs 27:17 calls it sharpening iron. "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." I have watched friends strengthen and encourage each other to step out into new terrain that maybe one would not step out into alone. It's a beautiful thing to observe.

I loved the reassurance Dr. Meeker gives about just having 1 or 2 close friends, and that it's okay if your daughter is an introvert. So often we do think broaden, broaden, broaden, but the visual image I get is one of peanut butter on my slice of bread. It stretches from corner to corner, but it's not very deep. Even as moms we know we can have lots of good acquaintances. They're fun to catch up with and laugh and talk with. But, it's not realistic for us to have 20 close friends (in honor of Anne of Green Gables we'll say bosom friends) that we need to keep up with every week. That's a full time job! It becomes exhausting and keeps you feeling guilt ridden when you fail to keep covering everyone equally.

I appreciated the list of friendships that should be discouraged. I'm going to change it up just a bit, because most of us have some form of relationship with one of these types of people. There needs to be a cushion of distance between our girls and them. We do need to care about these girls, but it's not our daughter's job to save them. I have told my girls on more than one occasion to make me be the bad person. When I know that a friendship is becoming too heavy or draining, I give my girls permission to say something along the lines of "my mom says I need to get off my phone for the rest of the day" or whatever it needs to be. Until my girls are old enough or strong enough, it is MY JOB to help them SET BOUNDARIES." I'm just going to step on my soapbox a moment and say that in general, our world needs some more boundary setting!

As a mom life can be very busy! During seasons where I can, I try to open our home to friend get togethers. For me, I will let each kid invite friends on the same day and make an afternoon of it. There's a little bit of everything going on on those days. It's a whole lot of fun, noise, and busyness! I also build time for our family to create bonds just within itself. Both are important!

The last story of this chapter was so moving about Lila and Helen. May all of our girls have committed friendships like what was showcased here. But just as importantly, MAY ALL OF OUR GIRLS BE THAT TYPE OF FRIEND AS WELL!

I'd love to hear your comments! It's hard to believe, but next week we wrap up this fantastic book!