BOYS SHOULD BE BOYS: 7 SECRETS TO RAISING HEALTHY SONS by Meg Meeker, M.D. I don't know about you guys, but I really enjoyed these chapters. I am excited to hear from you all about your thoughts on the idea of what we consider the American, stereotypical teenage boy and the author's claim that we have "lowered our expectations." I'm onboard with that thought process. There is no doubt that hormones come into play and our teenagers are stepping out into bigger life arenas. They're establishing themselves. They're deciding their life pursuits, interests, changing their thoughts on girls (from gross to attractive), etc, but they are capable of so much when attitude is not an option! I think back to stories in history, and there was an understood expectation of responsibility. Lives depended on it! I do feel like I need to pause and say I love the teen years and the opportunity to launch the kids part way out, and yet be there to help them navigate where they need help! I loved Dr. Meeker's clarification on the difference between the brain and mind of our boys. I see this so vividly in my own son! The parental support/encouragement really hit home with me. I am definitely spending some time in self examination over this one. I hope I'm good at encouraging my son. I hope my son knows I'm his biggest cheerleader. I try and pay attention when he wants it. I try and make direct eye contact with him. I would definitely view it as a failure if my son left our home thinking he was an afterthought to everything else going on in my life. Actually, I'm going to say even more importantly is what his FATHER thinks about him. Isn't it interesting how we keep coming back to this? Wasn't the winning section telling? After going through basketball season not too long ago this chapter was so informitive. The questions of Am I good enough? Where do I fall in the lineup? Man, couple that with the whole emotions section and a lot is being revealed and understood. The young man who recognizes his emotions and processes them correctly will go far in this world! There is definitely lots to think about here! Let's hear your thoughts!

BOYS SHOULD BE BOYS: 7 SECRETS TO RAISING HEALTHY BOYS by Meg Meeker, M.D. It's time to step into the chapter on a mother's love, and I'm going to add her "intuition." Mommas typically have "Spidey" senses when it comes to things going on behind the scenes. We don't always get it right. We may miss things or even falsely accuse, but more times than not, we are on the money.  I really liked the quote, "most mothers travel many mental miles when confronting their son's problems." I get the mental miles thing ( and it doesn't all have to do with my son), but that's a real characteristic of moms. We scale Mt. Everest about every other day, don't we?! I agree that moms are the "face of love," but I'm going to extend that just a bit. We are the face of emotional love to our sons. We soothe the hurts with warmth and compassion. Dads are the face of, I'm not sure exactly what to call it, tough love. It's a father's love that calls his son to step up and become a strong leader for his wife and family some day. He's the one who can, because it's the role he lives day in and day out. He knows the strain and toil and what it takes to navigate it. I completely get the part about a son leaving his mother. Scripture actually even tells us this fact in Matt. 19:5. A son can always still look to his father for wisdom on navigating life, but when a son marries, there's a new face of emotional love that he turns to and rightfully so. It's not that a mother is completely shut out or not appreciated, but there is no doubt that the relationship takes on a much different form. The last thing I'll say here is about the mama swan example. Wasn't that great?! We all understand the "mama bear" that comes roaring out of us when one of our children is mistreated in any way, shape, or form. Heaven help the person responsible for the mistreatment, because there's a runaway train barreling down the mountain, and they're standing directly on the tracks! Amen? Okay- the floor's open! Let's hear your thoughts!

BOYS SHOULD BE BOYS: 7 SECRETS TO RAISING HEALTHY BOYS by Meg Meeker, M.D. It is so fun to run into you moms who are reading this book! I love hearing about how you are finding value and understanding in what is being said! This week is no different. In fact, this week is where the rubber hits the road for us moms, isn't it? Do you need to relax? Does your son need to relax? Back off of all the running! (I'm talking to myself here!) I've been thinking back to my childhood. My summers were pretty low key. We lived in the middle of the woods, so there was lots of outdoor playing, and my mom took us to the library every couple of weeks to restock on reading material. We had a few key events that occurred each year that we couldn't wait for: vacation, VBS, library reading program, etc. These things were big deals, because they were few and far between. Today, we finish one thing, and we're off to the next. My kids enjoy the activities, but their world doesn't hang on them, because there are so many. Miss such and such activity? Oh well, the next one's coming down the pike. But you know what my kids really love? I'm staring at the badminton net in the yard as I write this. They love when we play together in the evenings. They love board games and eating out on the back deck as a family. They love cuddling up on the coaches and watching a movie. Depending on what book I'm reading out loud, they may like read aloud time! They love family time together. Regarding the story about nursing, I walked away with 2 things 1) It is important that we, as moms, take care of ourselves. I am not advocating lots of "me" time, but I am advocating "refill" time. What's the difference? I can honestly run myself to death doing "me" time as much as I can taking care of the family. I think we've all met moms who have ruined their health at times. Maybe I'm talking to one that has! It doesn't do anyone any good when we do that! Be sure and leave some refill time in your life! 2) No more putting rocks into each other's backpacks as to what we should and shouldn't be doing as moms. Trust me! If you have it all figured out, people will see that and come ask you questions about how you do things! When that happens, you can tactfully share! But no more putting pressure onto each other to keep up! I have to spend a few minutes talking about the enmeshment, estrangement, overdependence, and unavailability that can happen in our relationships. We've all seen examples of these things. We've seen the affects of them. Honestly, you may have seen yourself in the pages as you read. The mom who has her life so wrapped up in her son that you can't tell where one ends and the other begins, the momma who every time she looks at her son she sees her abusive father or deadbeat husband, the momma who thinks her son can't take two steps without her, and the momma who's never home whether that's physically, mentally, or emotionally for her son. It's very clear that our sons NEED us but in a balanced way! We hold them tightly at the start, but little by little our fingers loosen on them. As a mom my job changes from nurturer to greatest cheerleader ever as they pursue their life's calling. I wish I could forever call them mine, but they're not. They're God's, and I must be willing to take my fingers off and let them fly! Okay - enough of my thoughts! Let's hear from you!

BOYS SHOULD BE BOYS: 7 SECRETS TO RAISING HEALTHY BOYS by Meg Meeker, M.D. What a powerful chapter. I began googling some updated statistics. I'll share a couple in the comments, but the truth is we all know this. I've got to rabbit trail here for a moment. We may have some single mothers who are reading this. We are not here to heap loads of weight onto your already heavy burden. Take heart! There are ways to strengthen your situation for your kids. The Lord provides if you allow Him to. I've seen it time and again! I just needed to throw that in here! Mommas, there's no getting around the fact that our boys need their dads, and if the dad is not around, they need a significant other male figure contributing in their life! . They need certain things from them, that we cannot give them! I've visibly seen it with my eyes with regards to my son. There is a men's club that every boy desires to join, and his father is the one who gives him access. If there is not a father on the scene for whatever reason, it is possible for another man that has significantly invested in your son's life to grant access. The three things a boy needs from his dad: blessing, love, and self-control. She absolutely nailed it on the head here.  Blessing is a rite of passage. It says, "I am proud of you. I am launching you out, but you go with my full love and support." There is a significant change in the relationship when the blessing occurs, a leaving of boyhood behind and the emergence of a respected peer in its place. Love requires both time and affection. It says I am available to you. You mean that much to me that I choose you over extra work, over my phone, over my hobbies, etc. Some dads hug, some shake their son's hand, some slap on the back, but all convey the same meaning, I love you. You are valuable to me. Self-control. I see this play out day in and day out in our house. My husband is constantly modeling how to handle all kinds of situations to our son. My husband is so good at easing difficult situations with people. I honestly don't know how he does it, but I have watched him in action many times. I pray that my son learns that gift. Okay, enough thoughts from me! It's your turn!

BOYS SHOULD BE BOYS: 7 SECRETS TO RAISING HEALTHY SONS by Meg Meeker, M.D. Can I just say wow? Anytime I think we've reached the pinnacle of information about our boys, Dr. Meeker takes us one step farther, doesn't she? We all know men that never left the boy stage, don't we? They're obnoxious, and I truly believe they are the biggest turn off to women. Oh, they can be fun for the moment, but they're miserable for the long haul. Women want a partner in life, not another child to parent and worry about. Let's talk about that transition from boyhood to manhood. This is something that I have been hearing from my husband a lot recently with regards to our son. He is constantly holding our son accountable for his attitude and actions. Why? Because he knows first hand how important it is to keep both under control. When either are out of line, a life, a marriage, a job, and more are in jeopardy. A man must be equipped to lead his life and his family in a stable and mature way. People are depending on him. One thing that really struck me was how as parents we can mess up the responsibility lesson so easily. It is so tempting to grease the rails, smooth things over, reduce the discipline, etc. However, we will not always be there. Someday, we will be gone, and our sons must be able to confidently take responsibility and make decisions. Regarding owning beliefs- With my 3 oldest kids each of them went through a point in their teens where they chose to "own their faith." They were raised in a strong Christian home, but there came a time where they questioned if it was real and the only way. They had lots of questions and we steadily answered them. That is a an interesting time as a parent, because each person must make their own decision. When they finally make the choice, they truly live it. It's theirs lock, stock, and barrel. I haven't gone through this with the younger two yet, but I fully expect to. I'm going to close by saying the poem "If" by Rudyard Kipling is one of my favorites. (I'll include a copy of it in the comments.) It's one I periodically read to all of my children. Okay, it's your turn! How did this chapter strike you? Did this chapter give you anything to ponder? I'd love to hear about it!

BOYS SHOULD BE BOYS: 7 SECRETS TO RAISING HEALTHY SONS by Meg Meeker, M.D. This chapter really solidifies the importance of God in a boy's life, not just from a religious perspective (which is important!), but from a medical doctor that has visibly seen the positive results in her practice. There were a couple of parts that really impacted me in this chapter. First, the part that talks about the best way parents can keep their sons happy is "to give their child a belief in God" really struck me. I have to interject that I struggle with the word "happy" in this phrase. I think a better choice of words would be "joyful" or "content in all situations." "Happy" typically is an emotion that is very temporal and ever-changing. With that minor adjustment, I would agree that this is the best thing we can do for our boys! Second, I really loved the discussion about the internal/external relationship in our boys and how easily those internal elements can be hidden away never to see the light of day again when they are criticized or made fun of. Think about all those sweet, little things your boy would do or say that someone then told him were babyish. Think of all the beliefs and dreams that once rolled off his tongue easily until somebody made fun of him. There's maturing that is necessary. Resilience that has to form and develop to lead in this world. However, negative peer pressure can be so destructive in this area. HOPE - I hope that my son reaches out to Jesus when he encounters difficulties in life, because it's not if that will happen, it's when! James 1:8 tells us about the "double-minded man unstable in all his ways." LOVE - I hope my son knows real love in his life. The stuff that 1 Corinthians 13 is made of both as a boy and as a man. TRUTH/SECURITY - I hope my son never stops his quest for the truth, because it is that very thing that builds the foundation of rock on which he can stand on in times of trial and tribulation. The rains fall, but the house still stands Jesus' parable tells us. Our boys need a house that stands, because his family, one day, will be looking to him for strength and leadership in all things. GRACE - Is your son hard on himself? Mine is. You know what's interesting? He's quick to extend grace to others that he won't extend to himself. Can you relate? I think it's always good to stop our sons in these moments and ask them what they would say to a friend in the same situation and encourage them to take the same advice. My take away from all this? As parents we need to stop reaching for external helps and reach more for the internal help, the God of the universe. Doing so points our sons in the direction of God. Guys, we're going to be tired. We're not always going to feel like doing what's important, but we have to make time for the things that have eternal value: family devotions, time to answer questions, church on Sunday mornings, prayer and reliance in all circumstances on God. One last thing, Victor Frankl's Search for Meaning is well worth the read. I'd love to hear your thoughts! Comment away!

BOYS SHOULD BE BOYS: 7 SECRETS TO RAISING HEALTHY SONS by Meg Meeker, M.D. Have you ever stopped to visualize what you hope your son will look like as a man? Not physically, but just as Dr. Meeker talks about, his insides: his integrity, courage, humility, meekness, and kindness. Stop a moment and pull that picture up in your mind. Is your son on the path to accomplishing that picture? This chapter really gave me a lot to ponder. Starting with am I modeling the character I desire to be in my son? Virtue. "Parents don't have to construct the virtues and then pour them into the heart of their son. The virtues are there, but in small fragments that must be cleaned, shaped, and polished." Romans 2:15 confirms this thought. God writes His law on the hearts of man. It's up to your son if he is going to act on it, and it's up to us to demonstrate its value.  Integrity. Can you trust your son? This is so foundational in every area. If you can't trust him then honestly what do you have? There is no solid ground to stand on within the relationship. What a sickening feeling is produced when you realize that the relationship is so fractured that the ability to "shoot straight with each other" isn't there. Courage. "A boy who does the right thing under pressure knows he can control himself.." What is the outcome of this? Honor and self-respect. This makes me think of a lot of the ads for the military especially for how Marines are portrayed. Our boys need a serious dose of courage to survive in today's world. Humility. I especially loved this section. Lewis's quote was spot on. When we stereotypically think of humility we picture a doormat. Someone that's weak, head hangs down, etc. Did you notice the strength that resonated with the word humility? If our boy is humble, he knows who he is. He doesn't need someone else to affirm him, and he doesn't need to puff himself up. He's free to think about others. He doesn't crush those around him. BAM That's definitely contrary to the world! I'm going to add that they are comfortable in their own skin. Meekness. Constrained power. Have you ever thought of meekness in that light before? Again, typically, we have a mental image of a beat down individual. Matthew 5:5 says, "Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth." How can a beat down individual inherit the earth? They can't. The power and energy that make up our boys is not taken away. It's channeled, directed, and controlled. It sustains him. It feeds his drive as he leads, manages, and navigates a volatile world but all under the leadership of his Lord. Kindness. This word has lost it's meaning in our world today. No longer does it mean to extend care and compassion towards someone. It now means I agree with you in all you say and do. The kindness I desire my son to grow in is the one that extends human dignity and value to all because of the image they are made in, but that does not equate agreeing with all the choices a person makes in their life. I say I value all these things. I say that they are top priority for my son. Am I treating them as such or am I speaking with no action to back it up? That will be my pondering for the week.

BOYS SHOULD BE BOYS: 7 SECRETS TO RAISING HEALTHY SONS by Meg Meeker, M.D. Well, we have arrived at the last chapter of this fantastic book! In true fashion, Dr. Meeker doesn't let us off the hook with easy closing fluff does she? She gives us 10 points to really consider with our sons. I'm not going to comment on each one, but there was some really good take home material here!  "Parents are the number one influence in a boy's life." That should give us some serious pause. Am I mentally, emotionally, and physically giving my time to my family or am I allowing other things to have that precious energy? Notice I did not say "steal" the energy. I DECIDE where that energy goes. "Let me tell you about every girl and most adult women. The majority love to feel protected by men. They don't want to be controlled or manipulated, they want to feel that they are cherished, even that they are worth fighting for." I am shouting out a resounding, "Hear, hear" to this! This may not be all of you ladies out there, but this is me! "We can't necessarily teach him what he should be, but we can teach him who he should be, and most important that he has a purpose, that he is on earth to make a positive difference in the lives of others." Do we understand the importance of this statement? Do we understand that if every person realizes that they have a purpose in life and that they have value because they bear the image of the One who created them there would no longer be a suicide epidemic? This statement rocks me to my core. "Men who serve become better husbands and fathers because they have experienced the satisfaction that comes only through placing another's needs before their own." Do we really desire anything more from the leaders of our families? I could comment on every single point here. I can think of countless examples in my own home of how each statement rings out with truth. The last one takes us home, though: "Give him the best of yourself." That circles right back around to my thoughts under the first point. My family, my son deserves my best not my worst. They don't deserve the momma who is sweet to everyone she meets and is a monster at home. We won't get everything right, but my guess is if we get out priorities in order, we'll get a lot more of it right! I hope you have enjoyed this book! I hope that it has given you lots of food for thought. My prayer is that your home will be blessed because of it! With that, we close the door on talking about our sons, and we'll now move to talking about our daughters. If you haven't already purchased your book, now is the time to do so! Begin reading Chapter 1. The first discussion post will go up July 31! See you then!

BORN AGAIN by Charles W. Colson I grew up listening to Chuck Colson's Break Point radio messages. I would pause whatever I was doing to hear his words finding myself struck by his intelligence, passion, and heart that was evident in every update he gave. The world lost an amazing soldier for Christ the day Chuck Colson passed away. His legacy and message live on in his writing and ministry for he was a man who knew where he had been and who he had become because of the saving grace of Jesus. Born Again is Chuck Colson's memoir of his time in the White House working closely with President Richard Nixon during the days of Watergate and the fallout that occurred shortly after. Enamored by power, pride, and position, this book is a testimony to the emptiness that occurs from the pursuit of temporal glories that can be left behind in the dust when one chooses to pursue a life built on eternal value by the gift of Christ's salvation. Colson needed to be challenged at an intellectual level that most of us will never achieve. When a friend gave him a copy of C.S. Lewis's Mere Christianity, the running and denial stopped. Every excuse evaporated and the confrontation of truth could no longer be ignored. That's not where the story ends. God had a plan for Chuck Colson. A plan that included using the most uncomfortable and embarrassing situation Colson could ever imagine happening to himself - prison. By spending time there because of Watergate, he gained an understanding of what it was like to be an inmate, and when he left, God had given him a new vision and purpose for his life: to reach those society shut away and forgot about, the prisoners. Born Again is a beautiful story that reminds each of us that God doesn't leave us in the most difficult times of our lives, He has a plan for us, and how rewarding a life lived for Him can be. Highly recommend!

POLLY AND THE SCREEN TIME OVERLOAD by Betsy Childs Howard. Illustrated by Samara Hardy. We all know screen time dominates time that could be used for other useful and beneficial activities including imaginative play. The question is how do we get that message across to our kids? Yes, we can set limits (and should!), but how do we help our kids understand the trap that electronics can so easily become? Enter Polly and the Screen Time Overload. Polly loves going to visit her grandparents' farm. She has a whole checklist of things she looks forward to doing during her days in the country. This year, there's something a little different. Her aunt has a gift for her, her very own tablet. Suddenly, Polly's too busy on her tablet to spend time with her cousins or visit the animals around the farm. Finally, the tablet dies! Polly begins to realize she is missing out on the "great" things for just a "good" thing. With a little bit of help from her grandparents, Polly sets some boundaries on her screen time, so she doesn't miss out on any more great things!

CODE NAME EDELWEISS by Stephanie Landsem Are you a historical fiction lover? Then you'll want to check out Code Name Edelweiss which is based on a true story. Hitler is the new leader of Germany. Looking to spread his ani-sematic propaganda worldwide, his spies infiltrate Hollywood and begin to try and influence the entertainment industry. Unbeknownst to him, a Jewish lawyer has been noticing the subtle changes with growing concern. Convinced it is time to act, he employs his own spies to try and uncover the plot and stop it before it is too late. This is an engaging read with a couple of good twists. HEADS UP- With this being set in Hollywood, there are two inappropriate advances made by management to understaff on a couple of occasions, but that's where they end. This is written by a Christian author, so they are very mild in content.

SIPSWORTH by Somon Van Booy You know that book that sits on the shelf at the bookstore or the library that you pick up, consider, and then put down. Next time you visit the bookstore or library you go through the same routine. Then, finally, after the third visit where you go through the same routine again, it makes it into your pile, because it just continues to intrigue you? Meet one of my such occurrences, SIPSWORTH. SIPSWORTH is a reminder for all of us younger and middle age folks how easy it is for the elderly to fall through the cracks of the unnoticed and forgotten in life even if once upon a time they were someone important. Helen Cartwright is returning home to England after living most of her life abroad in Australia. She's returning to the very village she was raised in but didn't bother to stay connected to. Everyday looks like the one before: a lot of shuffling around, a lot of empty nothingness. Helen's just waiting for the day when her life is over. That is until the day she meets a common little mouse she names SIPSWORTH. Through first trying to remedy her mouse issue, to then caring for SIPSWORTH, doors of purpose in life begin to open that have been shut for a long time. SIPSWORTH is a true reminder that sometimes the little things in life make the biggest impact. There are a couple of parts that will leave you scratching your head as to how realistic the situation is, but hang tight. Despite this, I was glad I stuck through and finished the book. HEADS UP- There is a passing mention of a gay relationship with a side character.