WAKE UP WITH PURPOSE! WHAT I'VE LEARNED MY FIRST HUNDRED YEARS by Sister Jean with Seth Davis I was so sorry to see that Sister Jean passed away last night. Our family thrives on March Madness in the spring, thanks especially to my son, and just like the rest of the world, we would clamor for a glimpse of the Loyola Chaplain every time the team played. We loved seeing this centenarian+ (she was 106) dedicated to rooting for her boys, and it was clear they loved her as well. When I came across her book about a month ago in a bookstore, I picked it up not able to resist the title. She really did "Wake Up With Purpose" each day, and it was astounding what she accomplished. She was a true "go-getter." If we all adopted this same commitment in our lives, there is no doubt we would go far in life! There was a lot about Sister Jean that I appreciated reading about. Her dedication to her faith (we would have disagreed on some parts, however she gave her life to it!), to learning, to her students, and her work ethic was commendable. Over her many years, she had seen and experienced a lot. She desired to share that with young people. There was a beautiful bond that formed between two often separated generations that would make our world a much better place if we would see more of it. There were some social issues that we would have agreed on and some we would have disagreed on. Sister Jean took a more liberal view, and while she tended to not dive in too deeply, she made her thoughts on subjects known throughout the book. All in all, I do mourn when we lose the members of the older generation. There is a part of history that dies with them that is no longer accessible to us. Certainly, when March Madness rolls around, and Loyola takes the floor, like I assume they will, I will miss seeing the snowy-white haired nun in her wheelchair, grinning from ear to ear, watching her boys run up and down the court. HEADS UP- light references to LGBTQ+ , voting for Hilary Clinton, COVID-19 vaccine, college drinking, co-ed dorms, her view on sex (wait for marriage) and abortion (believes it is immoral but should be left out of politics), BLM, etc.

RAISING A STRONG DAUGHTER IN A TOXIC CULTURE: 11 STEPS TO KEEP HER HAPPY, HEALTHY, AND SAFE by Meg Meeker, M.D. Oh man, this one hits seriously close to home. With 4 girls, we have experienced a lot in the world of friendships. We have had seasons of wins, and we have had seasons of pain. One thing that I am extremely grateful for is that my girls have developed a deep bond amongst the four of them that will last them all of their lives. I am a huge proponent of positive peer pressure. Proverbs 27:17 calls it sharpening iron. "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." I have watched friends strengthen and encourage each other to step out into new terrain that maybe one would not step out into alone. It's a beautiful thing to observe. I loved the reassurance Dr. Meeker gives about just having 1 or 2 close friends, and that it's okay if your daughter is an introvert. So often we do think broaden, broaden, broaden, but the visual image I get is one of peanut butter on my slice of bread. It stretches from corner to corner, but it's not very deep. Even as moms we know we can have lots of good acquaintances. They're fun to catch up with and laugh and talk with. But, it's not realistic for us to have 20 close friends (in honor of Anne of Green Gables we'll say bosom friends) that we need to keep up with every week. That's a full time job! It becomes exhausting and keeps you feeling guilt ridden when you fail to keep covering everyone equally. I appreciated the list of friendships that should be discouraged. I'm going to change it up just a bit, because most of us have some form of relationship with one of these types of people. There needs to be a cushion of distance between our girls and them. We do need to care about these girls, but it's not our daughter's job to save them. I have told my girls on more than one occasion to make me be the bad person. When I know that a friendship is becoming too heavy or draining, I give my girls permission to say something along the lines of "my mom says I need to get off my phone for the rest of the day" or whatever it needs to be. Until my girls are old enough or strong enough, it is MY JOB to help them SET BOUNDARIES." I'm just going to step on my soapbox a moment and say that in general, our world needs some more boundary setting! As a mom life can be very busy! During seasons where I can, I try to open our home to friend get togethers. For me, I will let each kid invite friends on the same day and make an afternoon of it. There's a little bit of everything going on on those days. It's a whole lot of fun, noise, and busyness! I also build time for our family to create bonds just within itself. Both are important! The last story of this chapter was so moving about Lila and Helen. May all of our girls have committed friendships like what was showcased here. But just as importantly, MAY ALL OF OUR GIRLS BE THAT TYPE OF FRIEND AS WELL! I'd love to hear your comments! It's hard to believe, but next week we wrap up this fantastic book!

RAISING A STRONG DAUGHTER IN A TOXIC CULTURE: 11 STEPS TO KEEP HER HAPPY, HEALTHY, AND SAFE by Meg Meeker, M.D. Well, here it is ladies, the chapter on SEX and SEXUAL IDENTITY. My pages are earmarked from all of the great info we get in this chapter. I think my biggest take away is the fact that many people think the idea of teenagers and sex is natural, normal, and no big deal, but as Dr. Meeker proved - to the "brain, emotions, and body, sexual activity is a big deal." We have become a highly sexualized culture, and I for one, as a mom of 4 girls, am a little tired of females being valued for their "sexiness." I'm not talking about looking nice, feeling put together, etc. I'm talking about where they fall on the "hot" meter. My girls are beautiful, but there is so much more to their package than their looks. They are amazing thinkers and analyzers, they have hearts that want to follow Jesus and lead others to do the same. When they meet their husbands, I pray they have someone who cherishes them for all of that, and not someone who discards them as their wrinkles begin to appear and their skin sags. We have robbed our young girls and teenagers of a life outside of sexuality as a culture. We have forced them to make decisions that should never have to be made and at younger and younger ages. We have made them aware and forced to focus on subjects that are better for times right before the body is starting to wake up sexually. They've been exposed to movies, pornography, crass jokes and talk, honestly, because of adults' lack of self-control many times. I'm not talking about educating our kids here. I really appreciated how Dr. Meeker talked about having pride in one's body and as a female. Let your daughter know what makes her a female physically. The whole modest movement should be one of love and value for their bodies. A gift that they have that they get to choose whom they will bestow it on - not one of shame of covering up. And THEY SHOULD NEVER FEEL PRESSURED TO GIVE THIS GIFT AWAY. I could talk about this for years. Instead, I open the floor to you, and leave you with this bit of encouragement- make your home a safe space for your daughters. They're going out into the world everyday dealing with this. Don't make your home part of the war that feeds this. Instead, let it be a place of respite from the storm.

RAISING A STRONG DAUGHTER IN A TOXIC CULTURE; 11 STEPS TO KEEP HER HAPPY, HEALTHY, AND SAFE by Meg Meeker, M.D. Well ladies, this is the crux of it all. The chapter on which all other chapters hinge - a relationship with Jesus Christ. Were you surprised at the statistics list? I found most of them to be very encouraging, but I did find the 44 percent of "people with faith have a greater sense of self control" to be a bit surprising. I expected that number to be higher. In today's world we need a healthy dose of self control. Overall, I agree with Dr. Meeker's belief that a large majority of youth are searching for truth. Just look at the response to the gatherings Charlie Kirk had on the college campuses. I think the youth are tired of the day-in-day-out hopeless rhetoric that has become so common place in today's world. They're searching for, they're hoping for purpose and meaning, value and worth. Sometimes I'm sure it feels like the world cares more about the abandoned puppy at the shelter than they do about the neglected child down the street. A couple of quotes that stuck with me in this chapter: Dr. Meeker referencing some difficult teens she's worked with, " the more obnoxious they act, the more clearly I saw the small child curled up inside asking for help." "Success and happiness start with your daughter being the best person she can be - a person with strong character and compassion. Faith in a loving God can help her be that person." Just a question to leave you with: are we modeling our faith to our daughters, so they can see that success play out in living form?

RAISING A STRONG DAUGHTER IN A TOXIC CULTURE: 11 STEPS TO KEEP HER HAPPY, HEALTHY, AND SAFE by Meg Meeker, M.D. Eating and image disorders. Have you ever known anyone that struggled with one? Have you? Our culture worships perfection in physical form. (Is there honestly such a thing? ) As if that's not enough, couple that with stress in today's world, and we have a recipe for the weight issues that we are seeing. I mourn the MUSTS that girls feel they must fulfill. But it's not just girls, is it Mommas? It's us as well! I already commented about this in an earlier post, but I sincerely hope that your daughter does not feel like you are in competition with her. We need to cut the life path for our daughters as to what is mature and reasonable behavior not make her think we are recreating our teenage years again. How do we do that? First off, our daughters should know that we love them NO MATTER WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE! They are a whole package and physical attributes are just a fraction of that package! Second, with that being said, I don't have a problem with helping our girls find clothes and light makeup that enhance them, but don't change them into someone she's not. Help your daughter develop her own likes and dislikes and feel comfortable with them. Third, our job is to help our girls to embrace healthy lifestyles by modeling it ourselves. STARVATION IS NOT HEALTHY. PROCESSED AND JUNK FOODS ARE NOT HEALTHY. SITTING ON OUR REARS ALL DAY IS NOT HEALTHY. 1 Corinthians 6:19 tells us our bodies are "the Temple of the Holy Spirit." We do need to care for them not for worldly approval, but for Godly usage. Momma, if you or your daughter are struggling with body and image issues let someone speak into your life who can help you. Let someone help you let go of worldly pressures and embrace a physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual healthiness. The world is difficult enough to navigate without carrying the extra added weight of unhealthy expectations on top of it. I'm closing out this chapter by saying a prayer for you all.

RAISING A STRONG DAUGHTER IN A TOXIC CULTURE: 11 STEPS TO KEEP HER HAPPY, HEALTHY, AND SAFE by Meg Meeker, M.D. UPDATED I have to start this chapter with the floor open for discussion before I put any thoughts up. There is so much emotion tied to the subject of social media and kids/teens in general, but currently even more is directed to this subject as our news sources are flooded with the story of Adam Raine's ChatGPT assisted suicide and the fact that his parents are now suing OpenAI. The floor is open, and I will add some thoughts in later. I think the first thing that really struck me in this chapter was Dr. Meeker's statement, "All teen girls compare themselves to others and have deep-seated insecurities." That means none are exempt from the modern version of the sirens' song. As Odysseus had to plug his ears with wax to survive the hypnotic call, so we must make sure that boundaries are in place for our girls to protect them. In some ways, the lure of seeing how we "stack up" never truly goes away even in our adulthood, does it? After all, even Dr. Meeker herself admits to feeling like she was a "loser" when looking at her friends posts. The missing element of social media is the realness of life. With everything staged in pictures, we lose the reality that comes with face-to-face contact and relationship. Spend some time with any other woman, and before long it's clear that they might appear that they have everything together, but somewhere is a chink in the armor. Their humanness. Not so in social media land. One of the greatest losses a teenage girl experiences when living in social media land is the loss of her value for anything more than her looks. The very core/heart of her is never known through the physical pictures she posts. One picture can lead to another and before long she is all used up as everything physically she has to offer is exposed for all the world to see with the first nude shot she posts. What's left? Nothing. The pursued rabbit is caught, finally, at the high point of the hunt. The excitement is gone. Abandoned and consumed, the girl gave all, only to find it wasn't enough (it never is). The hunters have moved on to their next prey. This mentality grieves me deeply. Our girls must be safeguarded from it. The only true solution I know of is to go back to the very beginning. The start of time that began in a garden where God reached down and said, "Let us make man (woman) in Our image." Our value began at that moment. Each human created individually and lovingly and stamped with the image of the Creator. True value that lasts for eternity.

RAISING A STRONG DAUGHTER IN A TOXIC CULTURE: 11 STEPS TO KEEP HER HAPPY, HEALTHY, AND SAFE by Meg Meeker, M.D. Calling all fathers! If you didn't know it, you are important in your daughter's life! Wasn't the story of the coats amazing? I am absolutely dumbfounded by that, but it makes sense! My father hasn't ever sewn me anything, but I do have a couple of his old shirts hanging in my closet. (My father is still alive by the way ) There is so much wrapped up in those shirts that I saw my dad wear day in and day out. They remind me of the dad who split firewood to keep our wood stove going in the house (our only source of heat growing up), who remodeled our one room schoolhouse home constantly to make it work better for our family, who read the paper and drink a cup of coffee in them, who pulled us on sled rides, and raked piles of leaves for us to jump in. My dad was a professional man during the day working long hours at his job, but at night the dress shirt and tie went into the closet and the flannel or jean shirt came out. That's what hangs in my closet. I am feeling a bit convicted. I am the mom that tries to bridge the gap between current styles and my husband sometimes (within reason). I'm just going to leave it at that, because anything I say at this point to justify it is going to sound really weak! Regarding young men and dating, I'll just throw in here that my husband has basically made it clear to our girls that anyone that wants to date them has to date him first. He's going to get to know them before they go out (and that has been the case). We do have girls in college now, so they are more in control of the situation, but they know the expectation because of their father's leadership. Not only do they know it, but they agree with and understand it! They aren't looking to foster a lifelong problem. Conviction number 2 - the Egg Rolls. I have snapped at my husband before knowing all the details of a situation in front of my kids. Praise the Lord, he is a pretty forgiving type of guy. I feel about as high as a worm when I realize what I've done when those situations happen. Setting out to take him down a peg or two, it's myself that gets taken down by my own words and actions. How often have we heard about teens acting out, because they're desperate for any kind of attention They just want to be seen and heard. The take away- It's never too late to begin fostering the kind of relationship you want with your daughter. There's always hope!

RAISING A STRONG DAUGHTER IN A TOXIC CULTURE: 11 STEPS TO KEEP HER HAPPY, HEALTHY, AND SAFE by Meg Meeker, M.D. As I read this chapter, I kept thinking we all need a Kristine in our lives, don't we? Somebody that keeps moving forward even when the crap is hitting the fan. Somebody that looks for the good in every situation and in every person they meet. A Kristine. I'm not so naive to think that Kristine 's pillow may not be wet some at night when no one sees. But each day, she gets up, laces up her boots, and meets the day. Lord, help me be a Kristine! What did you think about the statement that a Mom's love "is non-negotiable," but a Dad's love "must be earned? " I didn't grow up feeling that way. I always felt my Dad's love was as steady and plentiful as a river. No earning was necessary. I love the hope that Dr. Meeker extends in this chapter. "It is never too late to restore the bond between a mother and daughter." If you were waiting for the confirmation to step out and take some action, there it is! It's time to build bridges. The list at the end of the chapter was insightful. I don't know about you, but a mother who tries to act like her teenage or young adult daughter is such a turn-off. There's nothing sadder than a momma trying to hold on to the past instead of living in the present. Daughters need a mother that leads and mentors, not another peer blindly stumbling along grasping at straws in life. I'd love to hear your thoughts, and go hug your daughter!

RAISING A STRONG DAUGHTER IN A TOXIC CULTURE: 11 STEPS TO KEEP HER HAPPY, HEALTHY, AND SAFE by Meg Meeker, M.D. Wow, I wish I could show you guys a picture of what my chapter looks like. I highlighted a ton. Not only did I find this very practical in regards to my girls, but boy, it made me think back to my own teen years. The four big questions -i think all of us would agree we have wrestled with these whether consciously or subconsciously. I would throw one more in to the list: What is my purpose? (Not just realizing I have been created for a purpose, but specifically, what is that purpose?) One of the biggest take aways from this chapter - the fact that our girls need us. They need to know that we value them. That they are our earthly treasure (all our kids are). That they are so much more than the jobs they perform. Can anyone else resonate with the burnout that comes from feeling that we are just "what we bring" to someone? (That doesn't necessarily go away when we're adults, does it? ) If there's distance in the relationship between you and your daughter, it's time for a serious heart-to-heart. Start by praying before you step into that spot. Ask the Lord to give you the words to say. I love helping my kids be able to connect and accomplish something. I've been guilty of thinking that that will help them be stronger in their lives. However, we all know that sometimes the "bottom falls out" in life, and when it does there has to be something stronger than accomplishments in sports, art, music, education, etc. We all know adults that are still stuck in their high school glory days, because that's the only place they ever felt successful. (Can anyone say Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite? ) That's not where I want my daughters to end up. I loved the part where Dr. Meeker talks about complimenting our daughters' character versus their performance. I will be striving to implement that a lot more! How about the part that pointed out that moral standards can't form when subjective morality is present? Wishy washy doesn't work. It's never respected, and it never results in a true foundation. The result is teens standing on shifting sand, sinking in uncertainty.  Our girls can make it! No matter what life throws my daughter's way time keeps moving forward and the sun still rises. She can handle it with God's help. You better believe I'll be there cheering her on as well, but with God in her corner, there is strength that she can draw from to take her through anything. This chapter was excellent! I'd love to hear your takeaways! Share away, and then go spend some time strengthening your relationship with your daughter!

RAISING A STRONG DAUGHTER IN A TOXIC CULTURE: 11 STEPS TO KEEP HER HAPPY, HEALTHY, AND SAFE by Meg Meeker, M.D. It's time to start reading chapter 1 of of our newest book club read! I am so excited to journey alongside you in Dr. Meeker's book about girls. After just finishing up Boys Should Be Boys, I am super anxious to get started! There were so many great hands on application points that I have appreciated using with my son and the deeper understanding that Dr. Meeker offered has been invaluable, and I can't wait to see what she brings to the table for the girls (after all I have 4 of them!). Dr. Meeker is a pediatrician with over 35 years of experience. She is also the mother of 4 adult children. After watching literally thousands of kids come through her practice doors and raising her own children, she began to notice commonalities in children and teens that promoted a strong foundation for kids to launch from in life. She began paying attention to what made children stronger emotionally and more resilient in today's survival-of-the fittest-type culture. Her books have been born out of those encounters and observations. As a result, we have the benefit of this valuable tool to give us insight into the raising of our children. So.. Are you ready to learn a little bit more about what makes our girls tick? It's time to crack open that book and read Chapter 1. I'll be back in one week to open the floor for discussion! Ready...Set....Go!!!

RAISING A STRONG DAUGHTER IN A TOXIC CULTURE: 11 STEPS TO KEEP HER HAPPY, HEALTHY, AND SAFE by Meg Meeker, M.D. Daughter - just saying the word opens a floodgate of emotions that rolls over me. As I write this, I sit and look out the window next to me and I can see the shadows of days gone past. Three of my girls (all grown now) riding their scooters together around the cement pad, chasing each around and around. Their long hair flying behind them, and their voices calling out to each other. Now, they're out in the world making their way. Jobs, life, furthering education, residing in new states. The crazy thing? When I am with them, I still see flashes of those little girls. Their loves, passions, commitments are still there. They've just blossomed and grown right along with them. It's beautiful! While I mourn the shadows that were and would go back in a heartbeat and relive every moment, I CELEBRATE what is! With that in mind, I launched into this first chapter. How can you not love the opening story of Stefani with the heart transplant whose doctor danced with her ar her prom? Even though the whole point was the difference between the physical and emotional heart, the two in this story were intertwined. We see the bond that formed between doctor and patient. The bond of trust and security. The spoken promise of being there to dance with her at the prom. Think of the reassurance that planted into Stefani's heart when the days got tough. I can almost hear her whisper, "He said he was going to dance with me. I'm going to make it." Powerful! Our words matter!! Having four girls, I can attest to the four longings that come from their hearts. To Love - Typically, girls' hearts brim over with love to give that they want to express in action. I have countless notes, poems, drawings, stories, crafts, etc that I have been blessed with over the years. My oldest daughter, Claire, wrote me a note on a yellow piece of paper when she was in first or second grade that still hangs in the kitchen. It reads: 1. Mommy you are the best mommy in the world. 2. Mommy you are the best teacher in the world. 3. Mommy you are the best cook. 4. Mommy you are the best cleaneruper ever. 5. Mommy you are the best shower taker ever. I laughed when she gave it to me. Why the last two statements on her paper? I was a timer setter. Often for cleanup, I would set the timer and we would race around for 10 minutes picking up. It was a fun challenge! Showers? We would walk in the woods and play in the creeks Once back home, we would go take our showers and race to see who could actually wash off and get done the quickest. These fun little "games" helped to eliminate the complaining that would easily come from either of these activities. Our daughters have hearts that are overflowing with love for us if we don't kill it! Forming strong attachments - It is natural for us as girls and women to want to form strong attachments. We definitely desire it within our families, but I'm going to shoot off a bit in a different direction here that is covered in the "To Be Loved" section . We desire best friends that we can do life with. All three of my older girls and myself have definitely gone through "best friend" dry spells for a myriad of reasons. Some of them were really ouchy! When your family is a strong unit and when you are blessed with sisters I'm going to throw out that those can be the best attachments of all. Nurture - This one brings to mind my third daughter, Annie. Annie has always been and will always be an animal lover. Her desire is to ranch, and she is on her way in life. This summer she's working at a guest ranch. The pictures she sends are typically animal oriented: horses, kittens, etc. The most recent? A baby highland cow that she is helping take care of. She is in Heaven! To Be Loved - We all desire that as girls and women, don't we? We want to be valued, seen, and cherished. If we aren't in situations where that is happening, we seek it out, and the result many times is pieces of ourselves given away cheaply. Used. I wish I could share the heartaching stories that I have heard this summer personally and that my girls have shared that they have heard. Families are falling apart, and the result is hurt and empty-shelled people all around us. Everytime I am out and speak to someone, I hear another heart wrenching story. Who ordained the family? Who set it up this way to provide the love and needs we all have? God did. It's no surprise, then, that it's under attack. Just one chapter in and already we're plunging in deep! Next week, Chapter 2. I love it! Now, let's hear from you! Comment about your take aways from Chapter 1. I'd love to hear your thoughts!

RAISING A STRONG DAUGHTER IN A TOXIC WORLD: 11 STEPS TO KEEP HER HAPPY, HEALTHY, AND SAFE by Meg Meeker, M.D. There is so much in the chapter today. I sat down to write out my thoughts, and I found myself wishing we were all gathered together around a table with a cup of tea in our hands discussing the effects of feminism that we have personally felt in our own lives. I know I have felt it, so I'm going to approach this chapter a bit differently this time. This time I have 4 questions for you, and then feel free to add comments. 1. Have you ever felt like feminism has affected you in your life either positively or negatively? 2. How are you teaching your daughter to view the world and men? 3. Do you/did you have respect/appreciation for the person your mother/grandmother is/was? 4. What in this chapter gave you pause to stop and think? This can be a tough topic, so please make sure all comments are handled in a tasteful way! I look forward to hearing from you!